Love Is Proud Read online

  By the main course, I’d forgotten all about the train and basked in the company of the men I loved most in the world. Justin made a toast. “Happy anniversary to the two loves of my life. You make my heart whole.” Charlie and I raised our glasses and clinked them with his, repeating similar sentiments.

  “So, will you move in, make honest men of us?”

  I laughed. “It sounds like you’re asking me to marry the two of you, which isn’t legal.”

  “I don’t care. Say yes?” Justin asked, taking my hand in his while Charlie took the other. Two pairs of eyes, one set sparkling silver, the other a lush green stared intently into mine. How could I resist them?

  “If it’s really what you want…”

  “It has to be what you want, too, love,” Charlie added, one eyebrow raised. As if I’d say “no” to the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me.

  “Okay, okay. Yes, I’ll move in.” I squeezed each hand and gladly endured mauling kisses before going back to my meal. “But I expect breakfast in bed on weekends, and foot rubs and a back massage every evening, and—”

  “How about we just wear you out with really good sex every night and we’ll go from there?” Justin asked, mouth quirked at the corners as he cut a piece of steak.

  I mock-sighed. “I suppose that might work. But you know, I might have seen it all. I don’t know that there’s anything we haven’t done together yet.”

  “Wait and see,” Charlie replied, and I suddenly got moist thinking about it.

  * * * *

  By the next morning, my lovers had convinced me that yes, there were yet things to discover in the realm of passion between two men and a woman, and I was more than happy to be a lifelong pupil.

  Being sandwiched between both men, licked, nipped, and fucked, held down and tortured with a tongue in all the right places made me cum so many times, it was almost greedy. But not quite. And then it was Justin and Charlie together, so beautiful and masculine the way they fucked each other with abandon. I’d fingered myself a few times, just watching them, the way they moved, slid across each other’s skin, and then pulled me to them, to bind us all as one.

  At the end of a delicious night in each other’s arms, Charlie took me from behind, and Justin fucked him in the ass. It was so freeing to explore whatever I wanted with these men I adored, who helped me find myself.

  Breakfast was a sordid affair, and I could see the housekeeper rolling her eyes at the mess we left behind, but the three of us were beyond satisfied by the time we went our separate ways for the day. I wouldn’t be able to sit all day.

  I’d thought that maybe they would become tired of me, but Justin and Charlie showed me each day how precious I was to them, and I returned the favor. It wasn’t always easy being us. Some people just didn’t understand.

  But that didn’t matter because we had each other, and I was proud to have each man on my arm, to have and to hold, as it were. I think my great Aunt Henrietta would have been proud.

  I was fulfilled, I was happy and so were they. That was all that mattered.

  * * * *

  ABOUT ANNIE DEAN

  Annie Dean is the alter ego of m/m author J.D. Walker. MMF short stories are the focus here, featuring a wide range of quirky characters. For more information, visit lifebyjo.com/annie-dean.

  Dare to Venture by Vivien Dean

  Though I hadn’t been to Murillo’s in over seven years, the tiny taqueria looked exactly the same. Anyone not paying attention would miss it sandwiched between the barbershop and cigar store that seemed so typical for these outskirts of Oakland, but that would be their loss. Murillo’s had the best burritos I’d ever had at prices poor college kids could feast on. That was how we’d discovered it all that time ago. Even factoring in the drive from Berkeley, it was one of the best deals in the Bay Area.

  Nostalgia had to be Mark and Steve’s reason for picking it tonight. In the rush of all their wedding plans, we hadn’t had much time for the four of us to hang out. If Steve wasn’t meeting with a caterer, Mark and Andreas were wrangling venues. Then there were all the parties where everyone Mark and Steve knew insisted on celebrating their right to finally put a legal stamp of approval on their decade-long relationship. They came fast and furious as the wedding approached, so when Steve suggested the four of us have a night just for us, I jumped at the chance. I missed seeing my best friend without all the hangers-on forcing him to split his attention. From what I’d heard, Andreas had the same reaction.

  Dinner at Murillo’s was about the four of us. For old time’s sake.

  I didn’t see Mark or Steve’s cars in the lot as I parked my motorcycle, but I was early as usual so that was to be expected. Though it was warmer here than in San Francisco, I left my jacket on as I crossed the lot, ignoring the glances of appreciation from a pair of young girls I passed along the way. I was accustomed to the attention. At six-five, I’m often the tallest person in the room. Add on the fact that I’m a personal trainer, and yeah, I’m pretty much built to be noticed. I’d never intended going into fitness, but my degree in comparative literature from Berkeley wasn’t as useful in today’s job market as the other guys’ majors. I started at the gym to pay the bills and fell in love with helping others find their strength. There’s little better than making people feel good about what they can achieve.

  The taqueria was half-full when I pulled the door open, but my gaze settled on Andreas Kulin as if nobody else was present. He sat at a table against the wall, his slim legs kicked out in front of him as his fingers flew over his phone, a half-empty Corona waiting to be finished near his elbow. He was too wrapped up in whatever he was texting to see I’d arrived, which gave me an unexpected gift. I could stare at my heart’s content without having to pretend I didn’t long he’d look at me the same way.

  Andreas was the fourth of our little college gang. He and Mark had been best friends, just like Steve and I had been, before our worlds collided with Mark and Steve’s romantic involvement. He was the mouth of the group, the one best equipped to get us out of whatever predicament we found ourselves in as well as the one most likely to get us into the debacle in the first place. These days, he worked in immigration law for a San Francisco firm which was as perfect a job for him as I could ever imagine.

  And I had been mostly in love with him since our junior year when he rescued me from a disastrous New Year’s Eve date by shredding the son of a bitch who tried guilting me into a bareback gangbang to show him how much I cared about him. My knight in shining armor, staying with me until the wee hours of the morning to cheer me up instead of going back to his own date.

  Andreas had no clue. Once I realized how badly my heart had screwed me over, I did everything I could to hide it from everyone. I’m not an idiot, but Andreas was the smartest person I’ve ever met, and there’s no way I could keep up with him when he got on a roll. Plus, he had no desire to ever settle down. As far as I could tell, he never dated the same guy twice and didn’t even know the names of half the men he hooked up with.

  “It wouldn’t be fair of me to pull someone into a relationship,” Andreas had said once when Steve asked him about it. “Have you seen my life? Nobody wants a boyfriend who’s always in the office.”

  I thought he exaggerated since he managed to always find time to spend time with one or more of us. But if he didn’t want a relationship, I wasn’t going to screw up our friendship by saying maybe we should try a real date. I wouldn’t be the one to break up the group, even though Mark and Steve’s wedding already threatened to shift our dynamic.

  When he glanced up and saw me hovering at the door, I immediately schooled my features into a friendly smile. “What’re you doing here already?” I asked as I approached.

  Andreas frowned, though his blue eyes remained bright. “Mark told me six.” It was currently six-fifteen. “I was just texting him to ask where they were.”

  “Steve told me six-thirty,” I countered.

  He rolled his eyes. “Which means
they wanted to guarantee we’d get here at the same time. Assholes. I’ve been late exactly twice, and tonight was not one of those.”

  True, and honestly, didn’t sound like Mark and Steve at all.

  Before I could comment, Andreas’s phone rang. Andreas started to answer it, only to hesitate at the last minute. “Mark wants to Facetime.”

  I came around to stand behind Andreas and see the screen myself. “So find out what he wants.”

  Andreas still seemed unsure, but he accepted the call and held the phone up to show both of us. When the video connected, I wasn’t surprised to see Steve with Mark, but it was a bit of a shock to see their apartment behind them.

  Andreas noticed it, too. “What’s going on?” he demanded. “Why haven’t you two left yet?”

  “Is everything okay?” I added. This close to the wedding, they didn’t need a disaster to derail their special day.

  “Everything’s fine,” Mark said. “Are you guys at Murillo’s?”

  “Yes, because that was the plan, remember?” Andreas said. His free hand fidgeted in his lap, evidence of his rising agitation. I tore my eyes away, but I caught Steve’s laser gaze fixed on me when I looked back at the phone. “I did not drive all the way out here for you two to bail.”

  “How about sticking around for Bret?”

  I started at the mention of my name. “Don’t lay this on me. I thought tonight was about the four of us.”

  “In a way, it is,” Steve said. “It’s about the way you two have been using us as an excuse not to talk to each other.”

  “So we’ve decided to make you deal with it, once and for all,” Mark finished.

  “There’s nothing to deal with,” Andreas argued.

  I jumped in even faster. “We talk to each other all the time.”

  “Not when it’s just the two of you.” Though Steve’s tone was determined, he wasn’t being mean. He sounded genuinely concerned which only worried me more. “Bret, you know what I’m talking about. And I even know why you’re scared. But you have to trust us on this. You don’t have to be.”

  Just like I’d never confessed to Andreas, I’d never said a word to my best friend about how I felt. But he’d figured it out. Somehow. Some way. And he’d dragged Mark into this little scenario, probably because of an over-developed sense of romance induced by their wedding plans.

  “Hang up,” I growled at Steve and stalked toward the door. I had my phone out and Steve’s ringing before I hit the sidewalk, but even as he picked up before the first ring ended, I glanced over my shoulder to find Andreas staring after me.

  “Bret—”

  “Get off Mark’s call.” As I watched, Andreas lifted his phone to his ear. “Are you someplace private?”

  “The bathroom.”

  “Is the door shut?”

  Steve sighed. A moment later, I heard the latch click. “You’re being ridiculous.”

  Yes, but so was he. “Please don’t do this,” I begged. “It’ll screw everything up.”

  “How? You two could go to the wedding together if you’d just be honest with each other. You know that’s what you want.”

  “What I want is for you to butt out.” Didn’t he see how this could only turn into a disaster? “I don’t want Andreas guilted into going out with me. Did you even think about what happens after? Andreas doesn’t do relationships. The four of us won’t be able to hang out again without it being weird. Nobody wants that.”

  “You’ve never given Andreas a chance.”

  “To break my heart? Why would I—”

  I broke off as the door nudged against my shoulder when it opened. I did it so I wouldn’t have an audience, but then froze at the sight of Andreas. He was off his phone, and the eyes he lifted to mine glittered with new knowledge I wished to God he didn’t have.

  “We need to talk,” he said, his voice uncharacteristically soft.

  “Give him a chance,” I heard Steve repeat. “You can thank me later.”

  My palms were sweaty as I pocketed my phone. I had no idea how I could salvage this, but for our friendship’s sake, I had to try.

  “One wedding, and Mark and Steve suddenly turn into matchmakers,” I tried to joke.

  Andreas didn’t smile. “You can’t blame them. They’re happy. They want everybody around them to be happy, too.”

  “That’s assuming we’re in a state of unhappiness,” I countered.

  For whatever reason, that made him crack a smile. “Who’s the lawyer here?”

  “Am I wrong?”

  “Yes. About me, anyway. And normally, I wouldn’t make any presumptions about you, but after what Mark said, I’m going out on a limb here and saying you’re lying to yourself if you honestly believe you’re totally happy with the way your life is right now.”

  No more denying Mark had told him everything. My heart began to race. I didn’t want to do this, not here, not now, regardless of whatever end result Steve was convinced I was going to get.

  “That doesn’t have to change anything,” I said. “I have no problem pretending they didn’t stick their noses into business that doesn’t concern them.”

  “Except I do.” Andreas edged closer. “I’ve been trying to find the balls to ask you out since college. This is the first time in a decade I haven’t thought that maybe you won’t hand them back to me if I try.”

  Of all the tactics I’d thought Andreas might try, this confession was not one of them. “Why would you do that?”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Are you kidding me? Why wouldn’t I do that?”

  “Because your specialty is keeping things casual, remember? And that’s not me. We’ve been friends long enough for you to know that.”

  “You’re right, you’re the very definition of stick-to-it-ness. I’ve always loved that about you.”

  My pulse was skittering out of control for very different reasons than before. He hadn’t just said what I thought he said…had he?

  “So if you know that, why would you consider me date material?” I asked. “We’d be over before we ever got started.”

  Andreas ran a hand over his dark hair, ruffling it even more than usual. “Jesus, I’m going to sound like an asshole.”

  He looked so nervous that I felt sorry for him. “I’ve never thought you were an asshole. Even when you took your Jack Sparrow costume too seriously at Mark’s Halloween party and threw up in my helmet.”

  Andreas snorted, though it did the trick to relax him. “Not one of my shining moments.”

  “Maybe not,” I agreed. Because he’d already made the overture in chasing me down, the next didn’t seem as awful to admit as it would’ve an hour ago. “But you looked amazing before you did.”

  His mouth canted in the crooked smile that always made my stomach flip-flop. “I’m guessing Mark never told you I dressed up like that because of your Johnny Depp fetish.”

  Heat flooded to my face. Andreas was flirting. With me. I’d witnessed him in the moment enough to recognize it happening. I just never thought I’d be on the receiving end.

  I’m not good at it. I never have been. I was Mr. Straightforward, which was yet another reason I’d never been able to admit to Andreas how I felt. If I could flirt, this would be the perfect opportunity to tell him I didn’t fanboy over Johnny Depp as much as I saw him as a viable substitute for the articulate, dark-haired man I actually preferred.

  But I wasn’t ready to say that aloud. Not yet, anyway.

  “Why do you think you’ll sound like an asshole?” I prompted, trying to get back to the earlier topic.

  He grimaced. “Because the more guys I hooked up with, the easier it was to convince myself I wasn’t wimping out when it came to you. For the record, though? I fully acknowledge that’s a load of bullshit. I wouldn’t have freaked out at the idea of us being forced to talk if there was even a shred of effectiveness in my methodology.”

  In spite of Andreas’s confession, we were both still dancing around the subject, which looked more and
more like we’d been in the same boat without ever realizing it. I had to take a risk whether I liked it or not. After all, Andreas had already opened that door, hadn’t he?

  “If all I ever wanted from you was sex, this wouldn’t be so hard.” I shoved my hands into my pockets to hide their trembling. “I don’t know what exactly Mark told you, but that’s a big reason why I never said anything.”

  Andreas laughed.

  “What’s so funny?” I asked.

  “I’m boggled you’ve ever even thought of me and sex in the same sentence,” he replied.

  “Why’s that such a crazy idea?”

  My cluelessness about why it was so outlandish stopped him in his tracks. His eyes widened when he realized I was being serious.

  “Because I’m a scrawny motor mouth with poor impulse control, and you’re Joe Manganiello’s better-looking baby brother with a heart bigger than his biceps. If anything, I’m a pity fuck.”

  It was my turn to laugh. “You get laid more often in a year than I have in the entire time we’ve known each other.”

  “By design, remember.”

  “Because people are drawn to you,” I corrected. “You’re brilliant and you make life feel like an adventure. I’ve always felt like a stupid brick next to you.”

  His mirth vanished. “Jesus, please tell me that’s not because of anything I’ve said.”

  “No, but—”

  “I can’t do most of the shit you do,” he continued. “Your grades were way better than mine, and it’d be suicide for me to try half the physical stuff you get done before breakfast. The only advantage I’ve ever had is you’re too nice to tell the assholes in your life to fuck off, which is just more proof you’re a better man than I could ever—”

  I kissed him. It might’ve been the most spontaneous thing I ever did, but it needed to be done. He was starting to babble in his haste to prove his worth to me—a feat completely unnecessary if he knew the extent of my feelings for him—and I believed his sincerity now. It was pointless to avoid the risk of exposure. Neither one of us would gain what we truly wanted if I didn’t take this step.